If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize