Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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