I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
