Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
