There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
