I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
