I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
