I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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