I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
