i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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