Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
