Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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