What a fucking waste of an outfit
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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