nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
