you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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