there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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