Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize