my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
