you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
