She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
