She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
