the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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