I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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