I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
