why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
