how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize