Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
