We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
All the doctor said was why
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
