No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I believe in your delicious
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
