I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
