He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
