May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
