He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
