So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
