im drinking this country out of the recession.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
