You made me cry and you don't even care
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
