at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
