I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
