So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
