speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Fuck appropriateness.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
