we're blogging at a bar
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
