She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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