ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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