ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
