If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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