I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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