I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
