She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
