brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
