I'm going to jail i love you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
