Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
