He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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