butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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