So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
