planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i now understand why vodka
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
