So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
