This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
