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• (516): View more from New York

  You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers

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• (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.

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• (716): View more from New York

  He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.

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• (518): View more from New York

  i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?

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• (917): View more from New York City

  On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex

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• (750): View more from

  I vomited out my contact lenses last night

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• (425): View more from Washington

  So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy

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