I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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