OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Randomize
