I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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