Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
