Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
