Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
