You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
