just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
