He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
