You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
