god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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