woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
