You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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