all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
