please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
