dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
