hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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