no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize