there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
