Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
