Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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