Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
