I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
