she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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