I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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