So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
