I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
