two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He? As in you personified your dick?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
