I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
